Cleave (Cutting Cords Series Book 3) Read online

  CLEAVE

  MICKIE B. ASHLING

  Copyright

  Published by Mickie B. Ashling

  COPYRIGHT © 2020 by Mickie B. Ashling

  Second Edition

  Cover Art: Catt Ford

  Editor: Jason Bradley

  Proofing: April Dawn

  Formatting: Shaz Formatting

  First Edition Published by Dreamspinner Press May 2012

  All Rights Reserved:

  This literary work may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, including electronic or photographic reproduction, in whole or in part, without express written permission.

  This is a work of fiction, and any resemblance to persons, living or dead, or business establishments, events or locales is coincidental, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

  The Licensed Art Material is being used for illustrative purposes only.

  Blurb

  On New Year’s Eve, Cole Fujiwara stands vigil at his father’s deathbed while his wife, gives birth to twin boys. Cole has honored his family duty and provided the requisite heirs, but now he’s trapped in an increasingly demanding role as husband and father, and missing what he wants most -- the man he’s never stopped loving.

  Sloan Driscoll has struggled to find harmony in his D/s relationship with Trent Hamilton. The rules and etiquette of the lifestyle have been challenging, but Trent has figured out what cranks his boy’s chain. Sloan is determined to please his master, until he comes face to face with Cole for the first time in nine months.

  The encounter means different things to each of them. To Cole, it’s the first step on the path to a reunion. To Sloan, it’s a terrible mistake, one he confesses immediately. And for Trent, it’s the bitter realization that a powerful connection between the former lovers still exists. When Trent issues an ultimatum, Sloan must decide what he’s willing to do to save the relationship. But if Sloan stays with Trent, how can Cole ever hope to find happiness again?

  Cleave is the third book in the Cutting Cords Series previously published by Dreamspinner Press. This series must be read in order and all four titles will be available by September 2020. HEA guaranteed at series end.

  Content Warning: contains cheating, cutting, attempted suicide, and BDSM elements.

  Table of Contents

  Cleave

  Copyright

  Blurb

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Chapter 31

  Chapter 32

  Chapter 33

  About the Author

  Contact the Author

  Also by Mickie B. Ashling

  Chapter 1

  The sound of silence was a welcome respite after the incessant ringing that had started ten minutes ago. First it was Mom, telling me to get over to the hospital as soon as possible, followed shortly by Noriko, breathlessly calling in between contractions. “Please come, Cole. They want to operate.” I rubbed both hands over my face in frustration. What did these women think a sightless man was going to accomplish by showing up―moral support when I could barely keep it together?

  Christmas carols were playing loudly somewhere in the building, a final hurrah to the holiday season on this last day of December. Most people were already anticipating the credit card bills about to fall through their mail slots like the confetti raining on Times Square. I picked up my phone, wondering if I should call Sloan again. I didn’t know why he popped into my head. We’d been apart for nine months, and yet, my first reaction was to share the news. My hand drifted over to the other side of the bed, mindlessly seeking the man I’d discarded so carelessly. The empty space was a stark reminder. I knew I deserved it, but it didn’t hurt any less. Sloan had called me a two-faced lying motherfucker, and he was right. My arrogance and insensitivity had left no wiggle room and not a chance for forgiveness. How was I going to survive? Hours, days, and weeks of this overpowering ache had not faded with time. On the contrary, each day had brought fresh reminders of my loss.

  Still, I wondered what today would have been like if I’d done the right thing and had included Sloan in all the decisions from the very beginning. He’d be out of his mind with excitement and a little freaked if he couldn’t get to the hospital in time for the much-anticipated birth of our twin boys. Improbable scenarios played through my head, fantasies that had shriveled and died because I didn’t appreciate Sloan when I’d had him. My terrible choices had sheared off a piece of my heart, leaving me adrift from the only person in my life who had ever given me unconditional love and unfailing honesty.

  After months of anticipation, the great event that had caused this irreparable rift was about to commence. I prayed the timely arrival of my children would make every wrong decision right. Noriko was in premature labor at Mt. Sinai Hospital while Dad lay on his deathbed, somewhere in the same building. What irony. The man who’d orchestrated this entire chain of events wouldn’t be around long enough to enjoy the fruits of his labor. Instead, I would be left to deal with it on my own. Already my life had begun a downward spiral, and although Mom and my sisters had run interference for me these last few months, I could no longer manage. I was overwhelmed and felt completely useless, just as Sloan had predicted. The worst part of it was I had no one to blame but myself.

  Mom met Freddie and me in the lobby of the world-renowned medical facility and hustled us into the elevator, which took us to the maternity floor. Noriko was resting comfortably, I was told, after the delivery of the twins via Cesarean section. The boys were a respectable size, a little under four pounds, although one weighed about six ounces more than the other. The doctors were happy with the birth weight and only kept them in the incubators as a precaution because they were two weeks early.

  “Have you seen them?” I asked anxiously.

  “They’re perfect,” Mom said.

  “I seem to recall you saying this about all your grandkids, Mom.”

  “These two boys are special, Cole. I can’t wait until your dad sees them.”

  “How’s he doing?”

  She sighed mournfully. “He can barely talk, but his hearing is fine, and he can see. The doctor said we can wheel in the incubators in about thirty minutes.”

  “Do you think it’s safe?”

  “Yes. I was told it would be okay for the babies to be outside of the incubators for a few minutes if we want to hold them.”

  “I wish Dad was strong enough to hang on a few more months.”

  “The important thing is the twins are here and your father’s legacy continues. It’s what he wanted above all else.”

  “Don’t I know it,” I said bitterly. “Do they favor me or Noriko?”

  “They have dark hair and fair skin. Their eyes are closed, so their color is still a mystery.”

  “I don’t care about that, so long as they work.”

  “Cole, you know they will be fine.”

 
“Intellectually, I know. Emotionally, I won’t rest until the doctors assure me they don’t carry the gene.”

  “Have you and Noriko decided on names?”

  “Kenneth and Nicholas.”

  “Nicholas?”

  “It’s the holiday season, Mom, or have you forgotten? It’s also Sloan’s middle name.”

  “Oh, Cole… isn’t it over between you two?”

  “He and I talked about names years ago, and these were two we both liked. I didn’t see the need to change.”

  “Isn’t Sloan involved with someone else?”

  “What if he is?” I snapped, before she said anything more. “I have to talk to Noriko.”

  “She’s this way,” Mom said, guiding me toward the room and stopping in front of the door. “Freddie and I will wait for you right here.”

  I knocked and pushed the door open almost simultaneously. “May I?”

  “Of course,” Noriko replied. “Thank you for coming, Cole.”

  “Don’t thank me, for heaven’s sake. It’s the least I can do. How are you feeling?”

  “Much better now that it’s over.”

  “Have you seen them?”

  “Briefly.”

  “They’re wheeling them into Dad’s room later. Would you like to join us?”

  “I don’t think so.”

  I walked toward her voice and stopped at the foot of the bed. “Mom said the boys are beautiful.”

  “Hai… like their father.”

  “Don’t be so modest. You’re a very attractive woman from everything I’ve been told.”

  “Not attractive enough for you,” she said softly.

  “Noriko, let’s not start this conversation again.”

  “I’m sorry. I had hoped you’d come to see me as more than your surrogate.”

  “I never lied about my needs or my orientation.”

  “Yet you came to my bed willingly the one time. Was it because of the mizuage? Did you feel it was your duty?”

  Christ! I didn’t need this on top of everything else. “It was wrong on so many levels.”

  “Did you not find pleasure in my body?”

  “Of course I did, but there’s no connection between us.”

  “Maybe if you had tried again, we would have found a special place.”

  “I don’t think so.”

  “I’m sorry you feel this way.”

  “So am I.”

  “What happens now, Cole?”

  “We proceed with our plan. You and I will stay married until the boys are a year old, and then you’re free to go.”

  “I’ll stay as long as you need me.”

  “We have a contract terminating our relationship in one year.”

  “And if I choose to stay?”

  “In America?”

  “With you.”

  “You can’t.”

  “I can if I contest the divorce.”

  I heard the words and remembered Sloan’s dire predictions. What if she changes her mind? “What’s this about, Noriko? We have an agreement in writing.”

  “Agreements are made to be broken.”

  “Not in my world.”

  “We’ll see.”

  I could hear the determination in her voice, and a frisson of fear skittered up my spine. “I don’t think you understand the legalities involved, Noriko. Our contract is ironclad.”

  “I’m not going to be discarded like yesterday’s rice,” she said belligerently.

  “Who said anything about discarding? You’ll be treated with the highest respect and will have access to your sons whenever you’re in town.”

  “And if I want to take them back to Japan?”

  “Not an option.”

  “I’m their mother,” she said heatedly. “I know I have certain rights, regardless of any contract.”

  “Why are you reneging on the deal?”

  “Renege?”

  “Stop pretending you don’t understand English. I know damn well you’ve been taking classes and can probably run rings around most of the other students.”

  “I am not familiar with the word renege.”

  “It means breaking a promise, Noriko! One you made to my family nine months ago. Why are you changing your mind now?”

  “I like being Noriko Fujiwara.”

  “You can keep the name, and you’ll have more money than you’ve ever had in your life. What else do you want?”

  “I want to be your wife and an active mother to my children.”

  “Jesus fucking Christ.” I spun around and walked out, ignoring her raised voice begging me to stay and talk. Mom must have heard because she grabbed me as soon as I crossed the threshold and apologized in a whisper.

  “Cole, I’m sorry.”

  “It’s not your fault she’s a lying bitch.”

  “I had no idea Noriko felt so strongly about this.”

  “Neither did I. She hasn’t revealed her hand in nine months. How in the world did you think she was the right candidate?”

  “Your father handled everything and I thought he made a good choice.”

  “Apparently, the only person who had a bad feeling about this was Sloan, and I ignored him. I can’t believe this is happening!”

  “She’ll come around.”

  “I doubt it.”

  “Give it time, Cole. She’s hormonal right now.”

  “Bullshit.”

  “Settle down or you’ll upset your father. He doesn’t need to know any of this.”

  “He should, since it’s entirely his fault.”

  “You had the option to say no.”

  “Really? You know damn well Dad wouldn’t take no for an answer, and I was too stubborn to admit my partner had better instincts than anyone else in my family. Now I’m stuck, and I’ve lost Sloan on top of everything else.”

  “Please don’t bring this up in front of your dad. Let him die in peace.”

  “Don’t worry,” I said, determined to get through today without any more drama. I took a deep breath and pushed open the door leading to my father’s private room. The loud hissing of the monitors hooked up to a million different probes only reminded me the end was near. I bent down and kissed my father on the cheek. His skin was dry and cold to the touch, as if he were already dead. I couldn’t see what he looked like, but I knew he’d lost a tremendous amount of weight, and his sunken cheeks were harbingers of his disease. “Your grandsons are alive and well, Dad.”

  He clutched my hand with icy fingers. “Thank you, Cole.” His voice was ragged from the radiation, and I could barely hear him.

  “Don’t thank me, Dad. Thank Noriko. All I did was supply the sperm.”

  He squeezed my hand again and sighed. Mom moved a little closer. “Do you want to see the boys?”

  “What are their names?”

  “Kenny and Nicky, right, Cole?”

  “Yes. If Kenny is anything like his grandfather, he’ll grow up to be a hell of a ballplayer.”

  “And Nicky?” Dad asked.

  “He can be anything he wants,” I said quietly. Even gay.

  The door opened, and Mom squealed when they wheeled the babies into the room. They were in separate Isolettes, even though we were assured their lungs were almost fully developed and they could go home in a few days.

  “I want to see my boys.”

  I could hear the happiness in my father’s voice, and all my regrets were put aside for the moment. Knowing he’d die a happy man was worth all the loneliness I’d endured over the last nine months and whatever legal battles I’d have to face in the future.

  I heard Dad ask, “Which one is Kenny?”

  “I have no idea,” I said, stunned by the reality of my statement. How on earth was I going to tell them apart? “I’ll have to buy them some kind of jewelry so I can keep track of who’s who.”

  “Go to Tiffany,” Dad said, “and get them something nice.”

  “All right.”

  “Can I decide who my namesake is?”
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  “May as well, I sure can’t.”

  “Let’s name the bigger one after me.”

  Any decision I didn’t have to make sounded great right then. I turned toward the voice of the nurse and asked, “May we hold them?”

  “Certainly.” She placed a baby in my arms, and I presumed the other child was handed to Dad. I would have given anything to see my sons, but I had to be content with kissing the soft bundle. “He’s so tiny.”

  “He’ll catch up to his brother within weeks,” the nurse replied. “I’ve no doubt these two will be little bruisers. Their mother has a wonderful supply of milk.”

  “She’s breastfeeding?”

  “Yes, sir. It says so on their information card.”

  “Let’s switch,” Dad said. They took the bundle from my arms and replaced it with another. I noticed immediately that this baby felt heavier. “Christ, how will I keep them straight?”

  “Your wife will be able to tell them apart,” the nurse said. “She can help you.”

  “You think so?”

  “Please take him,” Dad interrupted. “Thank you for bringing the boys, but I need to rest.”

  I felt the flurry of activity as the nurses took the babies and wheeled them back to the neonatal unit. Suddenly, the room was quiet again and felt strangely empty without the twins. I moved closer to the bed. “Are you okay, Dad?”

  “I’m very tired, Cole, but happy.”

  “Try to get some rest. I’ll come back a little later, and we can chat.”

  “Promise me you’ll teach them how to play baseball.”

  “You know I will.”

  “Tell them about my days with the Giants.”

  “I’ll show them the pictures and the videos.”

  “Make sure.”

  “I won’t forget.”

  “I love you, Cole.”

  The tears I tried to avoid whenever I was around Dad surged to the surface, threatening to unman me in front of a man who only saw them as a sign of weakness. I blinked them away, refusing to destroy his final hours with more disappointment. It was imperative to embrace the illusion, show him I’d be able to handle the tremendous challenge of raising two boys instead of voicing my fears. It would be pointless to discuss Noriko’s radical change of heart at this juncture. Even if I was terrified by the prospect of an unknown future, I would let him go in peace.