Vessel (Cutting Cords Series Book 2) Read online

  He swallowed an angry retort with an audible click and reached for my hand instead. “Come on, darling. And mind the glass or you’ll add blood to the mess.”

  “Where?”

  “Somewhere quiet.”

  “A padded cell?”

  Max put his arm over my shoulder and steered me out of the war zone and into the master suite. “Make yourself comfortable while I go downstairs and get some coffee.”

  I plopped down on the sofa, boneless after my wild outburst. As I leaned back on the comfortable cushions covered in brown and beige tweed, I studied my surroundings. Max’s suite was ruggedly masculine and reflected his other lifestyle. He was a legend in the New York BDSM scene and had tried to introduce me to his brand of loving when we’d first met, but I’d realized very quickly that it wasn’t for me.

  Five years ago, I was an innocent, fresh off the plane from the West Coast and struggling with body-image issues. Simply put, I was a cutter and determined to move past the terrible form of self-mutilation I’d used for years as a crutch. Cole’s love had given me the emotional stability I needed to escape the dark places in my head, but not before Max had offered to “fix” me with a little flogging here and a nipple clamp there. All he managed to do was scare the hell out of me.

  We’d had a number of sexual encounters before Cole had taken the plunge and admitted he loved me. It was a tumultuous time, and Max had graciously stepped back despite his feelings. I’d chosen Cole, and he’d conceded defeat, especially since I was embarking on a fabulous career. It would garner millions for me as a model and for Max as my photographer, mentor, and agent. But his interest in me as a potential lover remained fixed, always hovering on the periphery. I was aware Max would gladly step into the role if I ever showed him one sign of interest.

  Although I’d rejected his lifestyle, BDSM fascinated me with its endless variations. Max and I had regular discussions on the pros and cons of the disciplined lifestyle—because there were so many rules—and the different types of personality best suited for the role. We’d had several heated debates on who benefited the most, a submissive or dominant partner, and he always managed to leave me with more questions than answers. Right then, his dominant nature was on full alert, and I knew he would gladly ease my pain through his methods if I were so inclined.

  My gaze was drawn to his massive bed. The four posts holding the king-size mattress in place were like small tree trucks, able to withstand the most powerful tugging. The metal eye bolts, embedded into the wood, were devoid of cuffs for now, but I knew the antique bureau on the far wall offered a plethora of choices. They came in leather, metal, canvas, or rope, guaranteed to hold a submissive in place for as long as Max deemed necessary.

  The door clicked open and he walked in with a tray full of coffee paraphernalia and assorted sweet rolls. He laid the silver platter on the low table in front of the sofa and passed me a large mug, already doused with cream and sugar, the way I preferred.

  I took it with a shaky hand, and Max tutted in disapproval when he noticed. He took back the coffee mug and placed it on the table. Sheltering me in his warm embrace, I continued to shake for a few more minutes until his comforting presence overpowered my jangling nerves.

  “I’m… sorry,” I stammered. “You don’t deserve any of this crap.”

  “Sloan, I’m your friend, first and foremost, and a bona fide busybody who thrives on gossip. You know I’ve heard it all and then some. Feel free to vent.”

  I chuckled at his honest assessment. Max did enjoy the juicy tidbits from his stable of models and giving sound advice. It supposedly kept him young and vibrant, along with his quarterly shots of Botox, which accounted for his “naturally” refreshed appearance. He vaguely resembled Freddie Mercury, minus the unflattering teeth. I’d always been a huge fan of Queen, and it was one reason I’d hooked up with Max in the first place.

  “I feel like I’ve lost the battle without a chance to fire a shot,” I explained. “Cole isn’t listening to any of my arguments. He thinks I’m being selfish and negative.”

  “Are you?”

  “No! I’m being realistic.”

  “Well, your communication skills are apparently suffering in the translation.”

  “He’s turning a deaf ear.”

  “Aside from his blind eyes?”

  “Don’t be a cunt.”

  “Sorry, I couldn’t resist,” Max cackled.

  “What am I doing in your bedroom?”

  “Explaining why you’ve destroyed my Lalique vase.”

  “I’ll buy you another one.”

  “You better.”

  “Place an order and take it out of my next check.”

  “Nope. You need to pick something out yourself.”

  “Whatever.” I pushed him away abruptly. “I’m going for a walk.”

  “May I come?”

  “Only if you promise to keep your tongue in check.”

  “Or in cheek?”

  “Max.”

  He smirked, looking every bit the Dominant. “Come along, pup.”

  “Don’t.”

  “Oh, lighten up. You could use a good flogging right now.”

  “Hell, no.”

  “You definitely need something.”

  “Maybe I should flog Cole and show him who’s in charge.”

  “Stop talking nonsense and try to get your head on straight. Grab some shoes while you’re at it.”

  “This is such bullshit,” I grumbled out the door and down the hallway. In my bedroom, I tiptoed through the glass minefield and slipped on my boat shoes. On our way downstairs, I could see Cole and Noriko sipping from their mugs, and chatting away like old friends. Rampant speculation and a massive dose of jealousy exuded from me in unguarded waves and I felt light-headed. I’d come a long way from the insecure man I was five years ago, but seeing them in such harmony made me want to squash her like a bug. Knowing that she could provide Cole with a family was doing all kinds of damage to my psyche. Max was right. I had to calm down and deal with the situation before it was too late.

  In a show of support, Max clasped my hand, and we made our way down the stairs, pausing briefly to let Cole know our plans. “We’re going for a walk.”

  Cole turned toward my voice. “Will you be back for lunch?”

  “Yes.”

  “See you then.” Cole was civil for the sake of our audience, but I knew him well enough to know he was still furious and wouldn’t back down until I gave in.

  We grabbed our jackets and stepped outdoors. It was a little on the cool side, and I was glad I’d decided to go with the leather instead of cotton, which would have been more appropriate considering the season. I felt the cold more than most, probably because I had hardly any body fat. At least that was Cole’s theory as he routinely piled on the nutritional meals on a daily basis. He’d made it his mission in life to make sure I ate properly. I’d actually gained ten pounds under his guidance, a fact he crowed about constantly. Admittedly, I looked better than ever, which should have given me the confidence I needed for this clash of wills, but old habits die hard. All the money and adulation from outside sources meant nothing when the man I loved was looking elsewhere.

  “Let’s take the car down to Leah’s Stable. I’m in the mood for some nature,” Max suggested.

  “I haven’t been on a horse since you dragged me out there last summer.”

  “You had fun, didn’t you?”

  “You know I loved it.”

  “Come on, beauty. There’s nothing more peaceful than a trail ride.”

  We got into his Land Rover and drove down Old Montauk Highway until we arrived at Leah’s Stables. It was a popular spot for tourists, as well as locals who couldn’t be bothered maintaining their own stable. Renting was far more convenient, and when the day was over, one could return the animals to Leah and walk away without worrying about feeding and grooming the beautiful four-legged creatures who brought hours of pleasure. Max had introduced me to horseback
riding, and I’d taken to it enthusiastically. All my preconceived notions about the danger involved vanished the first time I sat on a horse. I’d taken a few lessons to maximize the experience, and I enjoyed every second I spent on horseback.

  As luck would have it, the place was deserted but for a couple of tourists from down south. Leah sauntered out in her standard jeans and flannel and threw her arms around Max and me. “Well, look who showed up.”

  “Hey, lady,” Max said by way of greeting. “Can you spare a couple of your magical ponies?”

  “Look around you, Max. The season hasn’t quite started.”

  “Thank goodness, although I’m sure you’re more than ready.”

  “It’s been a long and lean winter,” Leah admitted. “I’m ready to start filling the coffers again.”

  “I’ll bet.”

  “You can take Dusty and Rose. They’re raring to get out and play.”

  “They’re not too spirited, are they?” I interjected. “I don’t feel like getting thrown.”

  “Since when have you been intimidated by a little energy?” Leah asked. “I’ve seen you ride, Sloan. You can handle Rose. Max can take Dusty.”

  “What are you implying, Leah? You think I’m washed up?” Max asked.

  “No, but Sloan’s a better rider.”

  I stuck my tongue out at Max, and he responded in his most lascivious voice. “It’s those powerful thighs of his.”

  “Oh, fuck off, Leavitte.”

  Leah grinned and grabbed me by my belt. “Come on, studly. Let’s saddle you up.”

  Chapter 9

  We headed out toward the walking dunes, an interesting trail which was less than a mile but would give us a chance to experience a little bit of everything: the ocean, mountains of sand, grass, and some fascinating views. A few minutes on horseback were far more effective than any drug. The bright sun and the wind in my face were working wonders to lighten the load I’d been carrying around for weeks. I made a loud kissing sound while digging my heels into Rose’s side, giving her the command she needed to switch to a brisk canter. She responded like a champ, and I took it a step further, leaning into her, giving the signal to fly free. We took off in a burst of energy, galloping down toward the beach with Max hot on our tail. I turned and yelled, “Last one on the sand has to get in the water.”

  “Like hell,” he called back.

  It was glorious. The sounds of thundering hooves and snorting breaths escaping from the beautiful mare’s nostrils added to my pleasure as we flew across the dunes and headed out to the ocean. I hadn’t felt this sort of freedom in a long time. My life was structured tightly by the demands of Cole’s disability, and I rarely indulged in any kind of activity that excluded his participation. In retrospect, I realized how my world had narrowed down to Cole and his needs. He’d become my raison d’ệtre, and now he was changing the rules and looking to expand his horizons, I found myself at a loss, more aware than ever that I never did anything fun or carefree anymore. It was all about duty and responsibility, a far cry from the lifestyle I’d led in my early twenties. I couldn’t even remember the last time I’d had some weed before coercing Tin into procuring it last week. I was twenty-seven fucking years old and acting like I was a hundred and two. Jeez….

  I hopped off Rose as soon as we got to the water’s edge so she could rest. Her chest heaved in and out as she fought to catch her breath, winded from the unaccustomed run after standing around all winter. I put my forehead against hers and spoke softly while rubbing her neck and praising her for being such a good girl. She whickered in response and waited patiently for me to reach into my pocket and hand her the sugar cubes I’d pilfered from Leah’s coffee bar. Rose took the cubes gently from my open palm, tickling me as she nuzzled my hand with her velvety soft lips.

  “You cheated,” Max said, reining in Dusty a few feet away.

  “I did not! You’ve got the reflexes of an old goat.”

  Max dismounted, grabbed me around my neck, and dragged me up to his body, pressing me close. “Who are you calling old?”

  I stared into his brown eyes and could tell he wasn’t angry. There was affection and a tiny spark of something I hadn’t seen in a while, but I could feel his interest pressing stiffly against my thigh. I stepped back. “I’m sorry, Max.”

  “Don’t ever be sorry for being attractive,” he said, smiling to put me at ease.

  Max was about my height but broader, physically and mentally a powerful man. He rarely took no for an answer but had respected my choices a long time ago. With Max, I always knew where I stood. There was nothing mysterious about him, unlike Cole, who was such an enigma and kept me guessing half the time. Now I wondered what would have become of me if I’d chosen Max instead. Would we have lasted? I was surprised the idea even crossed my mind. I hadn’t thought of Max romantically in years, and now, suddenly, I was seeing him in a different light. Still, I knew better, and pushing him away was the right decision.

  Silently acknowledging my decision, he nodded. “Let’s walk.”

  We tied the horses to a tree stump higher up in the grassy area where they could nibble on the young seedlings breaking through the hard winter crust. Our shoes were discarded as well, safely parked on the log, along with our jackets. It was a cloudless day, and the sun provided the only warmth we needed.

  “This is so nice,” I remarked, allowing Max to take my hand. “Thank you for suggesting this.”

  “I always come here when I’m verklempt.”

  The inclusion of Yiddish catchwords in his vocabulary was nothing new. In fact, I’d unwittingly adopted most of them without realizing it. It had always been easy between us. We were close to the water’s edge where the sand was cool and hard under our feet. The waves unfurled gently, splashing us with hissing bubbles.

  “There’s nothing like Mother Nature to take away the blues, is there?”

  “It’s effective for me,” Max concurred. “You know you’re welcome to spend as much time out here as you need.”

  “Thank you.” I stopped walking and turned to him. “Be honest, Max. Am I being unreasonable?”

  Max reached out and caressed my cheek. “Perhaps you’re not seeing the big picture from Cole’s point of view. This medical breakthrough has changed everything. Previously, Cole wasn’t willing to take a chance and inadvertently foist his genetic hiccup on an innocent child. He had the maturity and, more importantly, the willpower to resist his father’s nagging. Now his options have changed, and having children is a reality he can actually explore. Don’t you want him to be happy? Hasn’t he had enough heartache without you putting up another roadblock?”

  “If you’re trying to make me feel guilty, you’re succeeding.”

  Max shrugged. “Some people need to be parents, Sloan, and others don’t care one way or the other. Cole obviously wants a child, and as his partner you need to examine your objections. No matter how you shake this or play it, a female has to carry a baby. So why not be honest. You don’t want to do this.”

  “I’m not opposed in principle, but I am feeling rushed into making a decision. Before this week, I didn’t even know Noriko existed. Suddenly, she’s become the most important person in Cole’s life. I don’t think I’m overreacting.”

  “In my humble opinion, your anxiety about being pressured is warranted, and it’s Cole who’s being unrealistic to expect instant capitulation.”

  “Thank you.”

  “He needs to give you time to warm up to the idea.”

  “What if he doesn’t?”

  Max shrugged. “He seems determined to get going on this immediately, but you have the right to insist on more time. It’s vital to address your concerns before moving forward.”

  “I thought I was pretty clear.”

  “Correct me if I’m wrong, but from my vantage point, I see a lot of passive-aggressive behavior. One minute, you’re on board with getting to know her, but then you can’t keep a civil tongue in your head. If you continue to beha
ve like a petulant child, you’ll alienate Cole.”

  “I don’t think I can manage to be reasonable when I see her as a threat.”

  “Hasn’t Cole proven how much he loves you? I thought he’d made himself perfectly clear to you and his family members five years ago.”

  “He’s bisexual, Max. What if he’s physically attracted to her? She’s giving him an opportunity to have a traditional family. Wouldn’t it be so much simpler if I disappeared?”

  “You can’t be serious.”

  “He’s accepted the idea of a marriage so readily when he could have insisted on finding some other way.”

  “You keep forgetting you live in a state that has complicated laws on surrogacy. It’s no longer forbidden, as it was a few years ago, but a surrogate can’t receive monetary compensation, and, more importantly, surrogacy laws are not legally enforceable. Which means Noriko could change her mind at any time and you guys are shit out of luck. Marrying her is one way of avoiding that scenario.”

  “We could move to California and find another surrogate.”

  “What about your jobs?”

  “Obviously, Cole would have to take some sort of leave of absence, but you know the Fujiwaras have deep pockets and money isn’t a consideration. As for me, you can take my picture anywhere in the world. ”

  “His family has their heart set on Noriko for some reason. Why not give her the benefit of the doubt? Cole’s chances of retaining custody are much better if he and Noriko are legally wed. A prenuptial will protect his rights. Cole is trying to cover all his legal bases while you’re only focusing on the relationship. I honestly think you’re way off.”

  “Am I?”

  “Sloan, you have to be more confident in Cole’s love.”

  “Anything can go wrong,” I said, feeling the panic rising again. “I’m terrified he’ll realize how easy life can be as a hetero. He won’t have to deal with his father’s homophobia or any other issues that normally arise for a same-sex couple.”

  Max gaped at me and shook his head in disgust. “You are so fucking insecure it’s sickening.”